Slice of Life Theatre, Episode 1: Mall Security a Rant by Wintermute (Brendan McCallum) Mall rats at it again . . . The place? A local shopping centre, situated in a suburban working class area ó it could be any one of thousands spread across the sprawls of Australian cities. I sit, unwrapping my sandwich from its suffocating confines, and watch mall patrons flock to the gleaming beacons of all-consuming hunger - the Golden Arches...McDonalds Express. A mall security guard wanders about the surrounding area, apparently taking great pride in his position of 'authority'. I stifle a laugh upon spying him; the man is no match for any would-be theives. I estimate the man's age at somewhere around forty - his creased, moustached face and portly frame evidence of hard times fighting crime or, perhaps more accurately, fighting his wife for the remote control. In a supreme example of misplaced pride and duty, he dons his 'badge' and baton with a crispness that matches his elegantly trimmed mo until... A young girl has approached the counter of McDonalds, a young, attractive girl in an A-line and a gripper top. Estimated age: fifteen, perhaps sixteen. The mall security guard has evidently decided he is feeling peckish. He wanders over to take his place in line...behind the girl. Real close behind. I can see his eyes as they flick up and down over the tempting young flesh, flesh whose age is less than half that of his own. Obviously, this authoritarian figure has no understanding of the concept of jailbait. Or harrasment. Or even respect. The line moves forward and the guard takes a step that could be considered less than discreet. As he bumps into the girl from behind, I spy a sly smile zipping across his suddenly ludicrous face. The girl, visibly disturbed, leaves the line without purchasing - she is grimacing as she passes my table. His gaze follows her (or her arse, to be more precise) then falls on me, seated, staring blankly at the scene of such a vulgar incident. Somehow, the man dredges up enough inner-depravity to cast a wink my way, as if seeking a fellow guy's approval of this obviously brave and manly deed. I choose to stare at the table rather than face the mere sight of him, and whisper a silent, unheard apology to the girl on behalf of the male collective. How long does it take for some people to learn? Created on Sun, 28 Sep 1997 and last modified on Mon, 27 Oct 1997.

LOUDonline - http://www.loud.net.au - Fri, 10 Apr 1998