DO NOT READ THIS!!!!!!!!!!! a Rant by muks (Monika Sarder) If you read this you do so at your own peril and men in black may come to kill you within three minutes of opening this essay. So you disobeyed the title. Cool. I love people who won't do what they are told. I bet you are the sort of person who can't stop themselves from touching anything with a 'wet paint' attached to it. So here comes the shocking truth: 'grey men' are not extra-terrestrials, as the government would have you believe, but super-evolved humans from the future who have come back to revamp their sexual DNA by breeding with nubile youngsters like me. I know for this because the 'grey-man' midwife who yanked the hybrid foetus from my womb told me so. And because it is the only logical explanation for a modern phenomenon. Abductee accounts of grey man anatomy indicate that they are almost identical to human beings: two eyes, two arms, two legs, two nads (er..on the males), hence two sexes. Now, given the size of the universe, and given that our evolution is unique, dictated by countless environmental factors, what are the odds that aliens will have evolved almost exactly the same way we have? Why not reptilian snake men, or collectively conscious slime globs? At the very least visitors from another planet should have ears growing out of their armpits. Also, in my experience with grey men their primary goal has always been the breeding of hybrid babies. Now I ask you, if we humans can't even breed successfully with lower animals from our own planet (I've tried this, its fun), what hope could we have of breeding with an alien race. Unless of course they too were human beings.....from the future. So you're probably wondering why intellectually advanced super-beings from the future would want to come back and root hairy 'cave men' like us. Surely there must be more to it than a fetish for superfluous body hair. The answer is breathtakingly simple: because they have to. Centuries of living in a technologically advanced society, where human interaction takes place almost exclusively in the virtual world has caused them to become physically decrepit, thin, pale and stunted. The grey man's dependance on sensually perfect cyber sex, where a computer simulates sex in the brain, has made copulation obsolete. Babies were bred in test-tubes, and as generations went by, the human being's reproductive organs withered from lack of exercise. To put it bluntly, the grey men are a dying race with tiny schlongs. Their one salvation is to going back in time and re-vitalize their DNA by mixing it with our love juice. Tragically, the gray man's sterilization has already begun in present times. Just take a look at our society, where work stress and pollution causes sperm counts to plummet, and increased infertility from women. No doubt there will be those among you who still do not believe, despite the thousands of corroborating abductee accounts and extensive scientific reasoning which supports my theory. Why else would 'gray men' take such care to carry their experiments out in secret, and avoid interfering with the daily lives of abductees; could it be a sense of innate niceness? No ofcourse not, the 'grey men' recognize that we are their ancestors, and by interfering with our lives they will inevitably altering their own future. But go ahead, dissmiss me as just another paranoid schizophrenic with access to Microsoft Word. Just remember that, in the words of the sumptuous David Duchovny: "The truth is out there"; refusing to believe it won't stop it from being true!!!! Created on Sun, 25 Jan 1998 and last modified on Mon, 26 Jan 1998.

LOUDonline - http://www.loud.net.au - Fri, 10 Apr 1998