Aunt Doris: help for the needy a Piece of Stuff by van (Vanessa Sowerwine) If you gotta problem, yo! I'll solve it. Aunt Doris In one of her many disguises (submitted by van.) Dear Aunt Doris, Nobody loves me. I am very sad because lots of people loved Princess Di but not as many people love me. How do i become a princess? loveless, 23, New South Wales. Dear loveless, Contrary to popular belief, being a princess does not make you happy. In fact, if you're not careful it can make you downright miserable. But back to the business on hand. It looks as though you'll have to marry either William or Harry; none of the others are famous enough. Apparently Wills has a penchant for Cindy Crawford, so get plastic surgery to look like her, hot-foot it to England and smile. See, it wasn't so bad after all. Aunt Doris Dear Agony Aunt, My virtual life is a mess. My modem is always too busy for me, my mouse just rolls around, my hard drive is never satisfied, no matter how much RAM I install, and my browser is constantly making demands, plug-in after plug-in after plug-in... What should I do? :{ Dear :{, I would firstly appreciated it if you called me by my proper name. I am Aunt Doris, not just any old aunt. I presume this lack of manners is a result of you not having a name that can be pronounced. In fact, you may find this to be part of your problem. Perhaps it is time for you to begin treating your virtual friends as you would your real friends, and stop trying to satify their demands with more RAM. We all know that there is no substitute for affection. Love is all you need. Aunt Doris dear aunt doris, i have many problems and now that i know where to send my complaints i will. 2 per day i imagine (at the rate i am going). yours, damien Dear Damien, That's nice dear. Aunt Doris Created on Wed, 24 Sep 1997 and last modified on Thu, 30 Oct 1997.

LOUDonline - http://www.loud.net.au - Fri, 10 Apr 1998