Talk is Cheap a Rant by van (Vanessa Sowerwine) The fun-to-read wanderings of a crazed mind, complete with tips on relationships. plastic burger (submitted by van.) My parents have always told the story of how when I was one year old, they took me to Sydney and I was so traumatised by my new surroundings that I refused to breastfeed ever again. I cried all night in the hotel at which we were staying, and I've often been told of the agonies my parents went through trying to get me to go to sleep. What I didn't know until a couple of days ago is that in desperation, they crushed up part of a valium tablet and put it in my juice. That probably explains my general moodiness and irritability, as well as my lack of tolerance for drugs. I feel myself reverting to childhood at the moment. My mother bought me lingerie for my birthday, and I exchanged it for plastic food and play dough. I've rediscovered my childhood doll. I tuck her into bed each night and kiss her good morning. As a result I've been accused of being a lesbian paedophile. I've also been given strange looks and told that I 'really needed to get over this maternal phase'. My friends are probably scared that I'll have a child and become really boring. A doll is just like having a lover, but more fun and less work. You've got something to hug when you're feeling affectionate, and unlike cats you don't have to feed them or put them on hormones because they become traumatised. And as for the toys, I'm just re-experiencing being small. I'm accessing those parts inside me that I've forgotten, but that actually have a profound effect on the way I am today. I'm not weird. Someone asked me today if I felt that Melbourne was claustrophobic. Well it is. You see the same people over and over again. People talk about six degrees of separation, but it's more like one. It's a bit of a problem if you hate everyone like I do. That's basically what you've got to look forward to as you grow up. Knowing more people who all end up knowing each other. Or you can move interstate. Another thing you start figuring out as you get older is how often you repeat yourself. You might think that the new relationship you're in is unlike anything you've ever experienced before. But think again. You're probably up for yet another serve of getting fucked over emotionally. Relationships are just an emotional rollercoaster that fills up your life so much that you can't get anything else done. For the first couple of months, you're so busy rootin' and talkin' all night that you're permanently trashed and wandering around in a love-filled haze. Then when you break up you go through the same intense talkin', but without the rootin' (or with it in some cases) that just takes up more of your time. Going out with someone is just another way to suck people dry and prevent people from taking over the world by making them waste their energy on some fucker. Grizabelle Baracuda Related Web Site Created on Thu, 18 Sep 1997 and last modified on Fri, 27 Feb 1998.

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